My Girlfriend Is Too Attached to Her Family
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| I've been with my girlfriend for over a year. Nosotros live an hr driving altitude apart, and so nosotros meet once or twice a week either I get to her area or she comes to my identify. She'south 33 and she lives with her parents, 2 older sisters and her oldest sis's niece. Since she doesn't have her own place, when I visit her we usually have to hang out outside of her firm to get some alone time. She wouldn't stay overnight at my place, because her mother is against it (Although this makes no sense for me, cause we went on multiple overnight trips together.) And whenever nosotros go for some weekend trips, she won't visit me the post-obit weekend, because she wants to share the other weekend with her family to exist fair to them (Even though they live together 7 days a week.) I live in Southern California and I work in tech manufacture. I've been frustrated about my current task for sometimes, and all my dream job requires me to relocate to Silicon Valley, but I oasis't been considering relocating because of her. Recently I've been receiving calls from some of my dream jobs, so I started to hash out the possibility of her moving there with me. She said no as I expected, and her reason was she doesn't want to leave her family and more often than not because she doesn't desire to leave her niece (she is very attached to her niece as if she is her own daughter). At first I thought ok we tin but do long distance since she suggested that herself and she want me to come back in 3 years. Merely I am starting to experience that if I should even bother with long distance if she go along putting me fashion backside her family like this? Had her niece has no mother or nobody else to take intendance of her, and so I would perfectly empathise. I tin can also sympathise it'due south hard to exit her current job and many thing backside. But her niece has a perfectly capable mother also as other family unit members to take care of her. My girlfriend also been hated her job with passion and been trying to find new job. I am conflicting that if I get to the point where I demand to relocate. As much equally I hated to do this, but I want to give her the ultimatum of either come with me eventually or we need to break up? My concern is that if she always put me way backside her family unit similar this, then this relationship will never go anywhere. I am worry that I am then hot headed right at present near this topic the past months. I think I need some third person perspective before I do something stupid. Thanks in accelerate for the advices, |
04-21-2013, eleven:21 PM | | |||
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| Quote: Originally Posted by enzoshadow I've been with my girlfriend for over a year. Nosotros live an hr driving distance apart, so we meet one time or twice a week either I go to her area or she comes to my identify. She's 33 and she lives with her parents, 2 older sisters and her oldest sister'southward niece. Since she doesn't take her own place, when I visit her we usually take to hang out outside of her house to get some alone time. She wouldn't stay overnight at my place, because her mother is against information technology (Although this makes no sense for me, cause we went on multiple overnight trips together.) And whenever we become for some weekend trips, she won't visit me the following weekend, considering she wants to share the other weekend with her family to be fair to them (Even though they alive together seven days a week.) I live in Southern California and I work in tech industry. I've been frustrated virtually my current chore for sometimes, and all my dream job requires me to relocate to Silicon Valley, but I oasis't been considering relocating because of her. Recently I've been receiving calls from some of my dream jobs, so I started to discuss the possibility of her moving in that location with me. She said no as I expected, and her reason was she doesn't desire to leave her family and mostly because she doesn't want to go out her niece (she is very attached to her niece as if she is her own daughter). At outset I thought ok we can but do long distance since she suggested that herself and she want me to come dorsum in 3 years. Just I am starting to feel that if I should fifty-fifty bother with long altitude if she keep putting me way behind her family like this? Had her niece has no mother or nobody else to take care of her, then I would perfectly understand. I tin likewise understand it's difficult to leave her current job and many affair behind. But her niece has a perfectly capable female parent as well equally other family members to take intendance of her. My girlfriend also been hated her chore with passion and been trying to find new task. I am alien that if I go to the indicate where I need to relocate. Every bit much equally I hated to practise this, but I want to give her the ultimatum of either come with me eventually or nosotros need to break upward? My business concern is that if she always put me mode behind her family like this, then this human relationship will never get anywhere. I am worry that I am then hot headed right now about this topic the by months. I think I need some third person perspective earlier I do something stupid. Thanks in advance for the advices, She obviously comes from a very tight knit conservative family unit. Asking her to move away with you lot without start asking her to marry you is likely considered insulting and demeaning by her family. If you do not see yourself with her long term, as in you don't think you could ally her, cut her loose now considering you lot two are just not on the aforementioned page. You demand to larn to have what is, not what you think "should be". |
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| Yeah. She's old-fashioned, likes the support of her family, and isn't the girl for you. |
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| It's not what you're looking for. Unless these people are severely dysfunctional (which led me to walk away from a huge clamper of my own family later years of closeness), they will be the center of her world. Unless you're prepared to purchase into the whole family togetherness thing (as one of my cousins did whole-heartedly in her union to a human with a large extended family unit) y'all volition never be happy in this relationship. |
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| Am I over reacting or is my girlfriend too attached to her family? In a nutshell - yes! (to both questions) |
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| I don't think it's off-white to say anyone is "too attached" to their family. |
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| This is one of those cases where if you like it then you need to put a ring on it. It's definitely a close knit family unit and I don't call up you're overreacting or fifty-fifty that she's too attached to her family unit. I think you ii only need to learn to compromise, accept, or go your separate ways. Take you talked to her almost this all the same? |
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| Well, we've establish Taco Girl...... She sounds too attached to her family for you (and to me). It sounds like they will always be VERY shut, and so this may not be the girl for y'all. __________________ ____________________________________________ |
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| If she's too shut knit to her family, it's probably best to merely move on. |
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| Quote: Originally Posted past Mikala43 Well, we've institute Taco Girl...... She sounds likewise attached to her family for you (and to me). It sounds like they will always exist VERY shut, so this may not exist the girl for you lot. Way to tie the threads together! |
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